Listening to: “Show Me Your Glory” by Jesus Culture
Album: Jesus Culture Reconstructed Vol. 1 – Oh Snap It’s Luke! Remix
This year was my first Father’s Day with Jesus, and I wanted to do something special for Him.
But what do you give to an all-powerful God who already has everything? What could you possibly do for Someone who has given you so much? No, who has given you EVERYTHING, including His own Life? What kind of gift says “thanks for living a perfect, holy life…and then sacrificing it…for me!…and then conquering DEATH and the GRAVE just so I could be free”?
The answer is: nothing. We can’t give God anything that could ever measure up to what He’s given us. It would be arrogant to think we could.
In light of this, I decided the best Father’s Day gift I could give Jesus would be forgiveness…not for Him, but for a man named Steve.
Steve’s my biological father, and he hasn’t been around most of my life. I spoke to him once when I was in college—looked him up in the white pages, called him, talked (and cried) for a bit, then asked him to call me sometime so I could finally meet him and my half-brothers and sisters.
I never heard from him.
I’ve struggled with this more than I’ve ever wanted to admit. I had a lot of wonderful father figures in my life, but despite those wonderful men, there was still a big hole in my heart that only a little girl’s daddy can fill.
That hole pushed me down a dark path that led to some pretty dangerous roads. The end result: sadness, bitterness, and eventually unforgiveness.
There’s a saying that goes: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison in hopes the other person will get sick.” It’s true, and Jesus says that because we’ve been forgiven, we must in turn forgive others (ref: Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor – Matthew 18:21-35). There’s no room for unforgiveness in the heart of a Christian, because that is where God’s Holy Spirit lives. We’ve accepted Jesus into our hearts, and it would be dishonoring to God to let something evil like unforgiveness enter into (or in my case, remain in) our holy temples.
So I choose to forgive my dad, from the bottom of my heart, with all the forgiveness I have in my being. I wanted to tell him that, and also talk to him about Jesus. I don’t know if I’ll ever have a chance to, though, so I wrote him a letter and decided to post it here on the blog. If God wants him to see it, I know He’ll lead him to it.
So, here it is. Warning – vulnerability starts here. Proceed with caution:
15 June 2014 (Father’s Day) @ 1:23 p.m.
Written in San Felix, Panama
Dear Dad,
I’m writing this because it’s Father’s Day, and I wanted to honor my Heavenly Father by letting you know that I forgive you. I forgive you for abandoning me when I was a baby, and also for not wanting to meet me when I was older.
There’s been a lot of heartache in my life, much of which stems back to you not being around, and I was pretty messed up for a long time. I never understood my identity, what it meant to be the daughter of a loving father. I have family who suffered as a result. They tried really hard to fill your shoes, to be father figures in your absence, but the rejection I experienced from you did strange things to me, and it was painful for everyone involved (myself included) who was trying to keep me afloat.
The wounds in my heart were just too deep, Dad. Honestly, I think your absence made all of our lives more painful. My heart was broken in ways I didn’t even understand, and I held a lot of resent toward you for a really, really long time.
Before I go on, I want you to know I’m not here to make you feel bad. What I said is true, but what I’m about to say is TRUTH. It’s important—the most important thing we could ever talk about—so you’ve got to listen:
We’re all imperfect people, slaves to our flesh and to our sinful natures. I’ve screwed up a lot in my life, probably more than anyone else I know. But here’s the Good News: There is forgiveness for ALL sin, no matter how big or small, and that forgiveness comes by God’s Grace and through faith in the One He sent to die on the Cross.
That is, Christ Jesus.
Jesus is the only begotten Son of God and is, in fact, the very essence of God. He is the great I AM, the Messiah come to take away the sin of the world so that we can be reconciled to God. For those who believe in Jesus, there is forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life. But (and this is the really important part—are you ready?) you must believe.
You must believe Jesus is the one true Son of God, that He went to the Cross for you, and that He rose again on the third day. He is alive. I can testify to that fact. I can show you all the wonderful things He’s done for me, how He’s saved and healed me…He’s healed my heart, Dad, something I tried doing through counselors and psychologists and friends and men and self-help books for 32 years.
It took Jesus a fraction of that time. A fraction.
Dad, the only way to the Father is through the Son. We all fall short of God’s glorious standard, which is why our “good deeds” are meaningless without faith in Jesus. Because there is only One in the entire universe who is truly GOOD, and He is our Heavenly Father, the LORD our God. Being “good” in His Eyes—the eyes of a pure and perfect and holy Creator—is impossible on your own. So unless you truly believe in the One He sent, you will be lost.
I hope you will believe if you don’t already. I also hope that you will forgive others and yourself, just as God has forgiven you. Letting go of unforgiveness and extending mercy (to others and to yourself) is the only way to receive God’s free gift and all the mercies He has for you.
Jesus loves you, and so, too, do I. Blessings, Dad. You were never my Pappa, but that’s okay because I have a Pappa now, and I love Him so much it’s my pleasure to honor Him in this way.
I hope you’ll honor Him, too, by believing the Truth.
Sincerely,
Your daughter
