For the last six months, God’s been talking to me about marriage. Exciting, right? Weddings are lots of fun with all their themes and catering and wedding party color schemes and honeymoon plans and that perfect, perfect wedding dress.
All of that’s wonderful. It is. But I’ll be honest with you:
I AM SCARED TO DEATH.
I’ve grown so much on the World Race. I’m not the same person I was. I know I’m a daughter of Christ, that I’m righteous in the eyes of God, and that any man would be blessed to have me as a wife.
But from time to time, my old way of thinking creeps back in. It’s those times I think: Will I ever really have a happy, healthy marriage? Am I capable of it? Do I deserve it?
I get excited thinking about being a wife and mother, but this overwhelming fear of rejection comes over me sometimes. It’s a fear that I won’t be good enough, that I won’t measure up to the other moms, and that a godly man couldn’t possibly want me for his wife.
One thing fueling these fears is that I don’t really have anything to offer. I’m coming off the World Race soon without much more than a few clothes and a laundry hamper. That’s a scary thought for me, especially when mixed with societal expectations of what a modern-day marriage is supposed to look like.
All of this struck me hard the other day. But as I sat down to process my feelings, I found myself writing a letter to my future husband. And as I worked my way through the letter, I came to realize that—despite my circumstances—I do have something to offer a godly man. A lot of things, actually.
This is the letter. I’m sharing it here so readers can see a real life example of how God gives beauty for ashes, how He makes things new and how He’s made me new. All praise and glory to the One who reigns forever and ever. Amen.
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To my future husband:
I have nothing to offer you, nothing material to give. I don’t have a job, and I don’t have money. I don’t have a car, and I literally don’t have a single piece of furniture, big or small. I don’t have very many clothes, no fancy jewelry…no cookware, cutlery, dishes…not even a toaster to my name.
The reason I don’t have these things is because I sold and gave away everything I own to come on an 11-month mission called the World Race. It was an act of obedience to God, a leap of faith. You see, He made me new in Christ and then called me to make my life new in Him.
In doing this, I’ve learned to be completely dependent on God. It’s hard, because I want to be independent. I want to provide for myself, not have to rely on my Heavenly Father. But that’s not the plan He has for me.
You’d probably never know this by all my fundraising posts on Facebook, but I used to have a career. I worked for a great company—the best—and I made a good living. Now my job is to go where God tells me to go, to do what God tells me to do, and to ask others to support me along the way.
You have no idea what a humbling experience that is. It’s a pride-swallowing, gut-wrenching thing to ask hard-working people to give me their hard-earned money. I long for a day when I might be the one supporting missionaries on the field, when I can reach deep down into my own pocketbook and give generously to those serving the Lord….
Buuut you should probably know that might not ever happen. God’s calling me to be a stay-at-home mom once I’m married. So, yeah. Won’t have a job then, either.
How are you feeling about all of this? Are you even still reading, future husband? If you are, then you can see I literally have nothing material to bring to a relationship. There is absolutely no financial benefit to marrying me.
Here’s what I do have to offer, though. There’s no swanky car or fancy jewelry involved, but hopefully these things will mean more to you than material possessions anyway.
Time & Energy
I am so willing to give you my time, and as much energy as I have to give. Are you having a bad day? I want to be there for you, to offer advice (if you need it) or just to listen. Do you need a foot rub? Well, that just so happens to be my specialty. Wanna hang out and watch a movie? I’m a total movie buff.
How about this: a nice, relaxing night in, a home-cooked meal, and maybe some Netflix? You’ll have to buy the groceries, but I’ve picked up a lot of great recipes on the World Race, and it would be my honor to cook for you.
What do you think? Do you want my time? Do you desire the energy I’m willing to give and all the ways I’m willing to give it? If so, there’s more. Keep reading.
Prayer
I love praying for people, and there’s no one I’d rather pray for than you. I can’t wait to do that, to pray with you and for you. I daydream of mornings when I can simply roll over in bed, place my hand tenderly upon you, and ask Jesus to bless you.
I’m going to pray over our children, too. Everyday, from the time their born until the day I die. Will you do that, too? Are you the kind of man who wants to pray for his wife and children daily? Would that be fulfilling for you in any way?
Love
There are three different Greek words for “love” found in the Bible: phileo, storge, and agape. Each one has a different meaning, and as your wife, I desire to give you all of them.
I want us to experience a friendly love (phileo) when we’re chatting over coffee…when we’re out for an evening stroll…when we’re working out together. Whatever it is that’s drawing us closer as friends, that’s the time I’ll go deep with my phileo love for you.
Storge is a profound, affectionate love that occurs between parents and children, husbands and wives. I promise to love our children with this storge kind of love. I already do, actually. I adore them, even though I don’t know them yet.
And when our marriage is strong—during those seasons where the relationship comes naturally—I know we’ll experience storge love with each other. But here’s the truth of the matter: Things won’t always be easy. Marriage is hard work, and it’s going to require a lot of determined, willful love (agape) in order for us to make it.
This is the kind of love God has for us (John 3:16 uses the the word agape), and it’s the hardest kind of love to give. God didn’t want to send His only Son to suffer and die on a Cross. But He sent Him, anyway, because it was the right thing to do. Because He agape loves us.
I choose to agape love you, even when it’s hard, even when we argue, even when you hurt my feelings. And even when I don’t at all feel like loving you because you’ve pained me in some way—even if my very worst nightmare comes true and you somehow, in some way, reject me—I’m still going to agape love you. Forever. Till death do us part.
There’s more, future husband. I have a whole list of intangible qualities to bring to a marriage, things that don’t require money or even a job. They don’t require furniture, they don’t require kitchenware, and they don’t require one single piece of fancy jewelry.
Should I go on? Is any of this something you’d be interested in? Is any of it resonating with you? Take some time, think about it, and let me know when you’re ready.
Forever yours with the Love of Christ,
Kimberly
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the Savior of his body, the Church. As the Church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious Church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. Ephesians 5:21-28
