After arriving in Lima for debrief, I started thinking about why I love Jesus — why I came to the Lord, and why I so readily accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. As I thought about it, I realized my love and devotion is based on very personal experiences I’ve had with Him and His Word.
Let me begin by saying that simply “trying” to read the Bible was not enough to propel me into a life centered around Jesus Christ. I actually had to SEEK GOD. Meaning, I had to make an effort to learn about Him and the things He’s done and the life He’s called me to live.
It was tough the first time I attempted to read the Bible (back in 2001) because my mind seemed incapable of absorbing what I was reading. I just didn’t get it. Basic verses evaded me, as if they’d been written in another language. Even with concerted effort, I still wasn’t absorbing any of it. This led me to abandon my efforts, and I didn’t read the Bible again for a very, very long time.
Twelve years later, in 2013, I was ready to try again. This time, though, I had resources at my disposal. One of those resources was my smartphone and the Internet — both very handy while reading the Bible. The other was my Christian mentor who, although he isn’t quite as accessible as the Internet, was able to answer a lot of my questions and walk me through Scripture step-by-step. He also made himself available at odd hours and often chatted with me about the Lord late into the night, which makes him about as good a resource as any search engine I know. 🙂
God tells us to pursue Him, that if we seek Him with all our hearts we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). I didn’t realize it at the time, but all that persistence was my way of seeking God. And He kept His end of the deal, honoring what He says in His Word by revealing Himself to me in different ways. One of those ways was by opening the eyes of my heart to the Truth.
God’s Word is alive. That may sound strange, but that’s why it’s called “The Living Bible.” God determines when that Word comes to life in someone. It didn’t for me that first time around, partially because I wasn’t really seeking Him back then. I was more or less curious about Bible stories, and only because my boyfriend at that time had been a missionary. His parents once asked if I was “prepared in my heart” for Jesus, and I didn’t know what that meant, so I (kind of) tried to find out. At that time I didn’t put much effort into learning about God, and I certainly wasn’t interested in a relationship with Him. I wasn’t even pursuing the truth, really, because at that time I still thought of the Bible as just “stories” with good moral fiber and interesting “characters.” I didn’t think of the Bible in terms of a historical text written by the Creator of the Universe, and my 20-year-old mind was too immature, my pagan heart divided between too many masters, to grasp the concept of God’s Word being alive and infallible.
But here’s the thing: I know darkness. I know hate, I know jealousy, I know lies, I know wickedness…I know all sorts of evil. I have seen it. I have lived it. Drugs, alcohol, idol worship, men, sexual immorality, thievery, betrayal, broken and dysfunctional relationships — I was deep in the underground rave scene in the early 2000s, and I even dabbled in witchcraft at different points in my life.
There’s not much I don’t know about darkness. I can feel it when it’s tiptoeing toward me. I can see it from a thousand yards away. I’d been buried so deep in darkness I instantly knew what Light was when I saw it.
And when I spotted that first glimmer of Light — when I felt the first spark inside me and my heart began to come alive with the Truth that is God’s infallible Word — I ran toward it. I had to. Up to that point — for 32 years — it had been a battle to survive, a battle just to stay afloat. Right before I was saved I was ready to give up, to stop swimming and let myself sink in the bottomless abyss of my sorrowful heart…but then I saw Jesus standing there. He reached out and offered me His Hand, and my heart sang when I accepted it. I felt fully and completely whole for the very first time in my life. I needed Him, and He was right there, able and oh-so-willing to love me no matter what I’d done.
He rescued me. He’s my Hero.
Now, that’s a pretty good reason to love Jesus. It’s a very raw reason, anyway, and whenever I share the Good News, I talk a lot about my past and how Jesus delivered me from darkness. But there’s another reason — a VERY BIG reason — to love Jesus:
THE CROSS.
God knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5), and He knew the paths I was going to take before I ever knew anything about them. He allowed me to make choices (we all have free will), but He knows all things past, present, and future (Hebrews 4:13; Isaiah 46:10). So why, then, did He go to the Cross for me? Why would He leave Heaven — a place where there’s no pain, no tears, and where He is KING and is served and worshiped by angels — and come down here, to earth, to live among people who hate Him? Why would He stand for our ridicule and mockery and yet still perform miracle after miracle, showing compassion for us at every turn? Why would the God of the Universe — the One who breathes galaxies into existence — bother to take time to heal us when He knows we’re just going to turn away and doubt Him as soon as we’re well?
WHO WOULD DO THAT?
Jesus always knew He was going to the Cross. He knew the cup of suffering He was going to bear, and He knew precisely how painful and humiliating it was going to be:
My enemies surround me like a herd of bulls; fierce bulls of Bashan have hemmed me in!
Like lions they open their jaws against me, roaring and tearing into their prey.
My life is poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax, melting within me.
My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead.
My enemies surround me like a pack of dogs; an evil gang closes in on me. They have pierced my hands and feet.
I can count all my bones. My enemies stare at me and gloat.
They divide my garments among themselves and throw dice for my clothing.
The above passage is a prophecy by David (Psalm 22), written about Jesus being crucified FIVE HUNDRED YEARS before crucifixion was even invented. God knew exactly how everything was going to transpire long before He came to live among us, and yet He came anyway. Why? Why would anyone subject themselves to that kind of torture?
Because He loves us, whether we love Him or not. Even if we mock Him, even if we hate Him. Even if we say He doesn’t exist.
God does not love us because we love Him. No, He loved us first (John 4:19), before we ever loved Him. When we HATED Him, in fact.
I grew up in a world that says I’m only valuable if I have something to offer, that I’m only worthy of love if I meet certain standards; so it’s been pretty difficult for me to believe that someone could possibly love me as wholly as Jesus loves me. But He does. He loves all of us — not because of who we are or anything we’ve done, but because of who HE IS.
God is who He is. He just IS. “I Am that I Am” (Exodus 3:14). It’s hard for me to process, but I know it’s Truth because I KNOW TRUTH. Jesus is Light and Truth and all the Good Things you are seeking. He is the only thing that will fill that hole in your heart, that void inside you that you’ve never been able to pinpoint. He is that “something” you’ve been missing, and not having Him in your life is why you’ve always felt like nobody understands you. He understands you, better than you understand yourself, and He loves you and is waiting for you to see that He’s been standing there this whole time.
So how big is the Cross? Bigger than anyone — including the forces of evil in this world — ever imagined. If you’re like me and can’t quite wrap your head around how big It is, just know that you can lay your troubles down at the foot of that mighty Cross, and there you will find rest for your soul.
You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the Cross. In this way, He disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by His Victory over them on the Cross. –Colossians 2:13-15
