Dear Jen,
I had no idea how similar our stories were until just now, as I read your blog post. Like you, I was in a relationship. I was in love, and I honestly thought we were going to be taking things to the next level too. I thought he was in love with me the way I was in love with him. I thought so many things. I had so many hopes.
Everything came crashing down in 2013. I was in debt, I had health problems, and the man of my dreams left. He left, just as I thought we were pulling through the storm we’d been in. My life imploded. I tried to dig my way out of the hole I was in. I started saving, paying off debt, planning for future travels — I even applied for grad school and was accepted into two prestigious universities overseas.
None of it quenched my thirst.
Thirst. My throat’s getting dry just thinking about it. I don’t know about your story, but mine took a very dark turn right around this time.
That thirst I was feeling — I didn’t know what it was or why I was feeling it. It was like I was searching for something — acceptance? Love? The kind of love that won’t be thrown out like yesterday’s garbage? Simply not feeling like garbage would have been nice. I felt so rejected, unloved…I felt unworthy. In my mind, I was unworthy, and I became more and more depressed. I was hurting, and my health kept declining. In my attempt to break out of the rut, I somehow managed to dig myself deeper. I was drowning in darkness, buried in sin — and not the kind of sin that’s fun and exciting. It was the kind that’s gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. I was filled with sorrow, broken and aching on the inside. My life was a mess. My dreams were shattered….
Until one day an F5 tornado leveled Moore, Oklahoma. Suddenly, I had a purpose. I could do something that would make a difference in this world. Sure, I was incapable of helping myself, but I could help others, right? Yes! I could lift them up! I could rescue them!
That’s when Jesus rescued me. Little did I know that was His plan all along. I wasn’t going to Oklahoma to save people. I was going to Oklahoma to BE SAVED.
I cannot begin to understand all the ways God brought us together, Jen, everything He had to do to get us where we’re at — physically, mentally, and especially spiritually. I don’t know what’s going to happen on the Race or even what I’M TAKING on the Race…all I know is that I’m never going back to the darkness. Ever. I want to walk in the light of Jesus Christ. That’s the place I want to be. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. I am amazed by your courage and strength, and I cannot wait to serve along side you. God bless you. May Christ shine light on you.
